So this is my effort at Progress.

I've tried so many times before, but now my life is on the line.

My Name is Rose.

I am 22, out of college and back into nursing school. I am attempting to regain my health for so many reason.

I have a ways to go and it's slow progress, but I'm going to get there, one day and one step at a time.

HW: 290
CW: 283
GW: 250
UGW: 130
Background Illustrations provided by: http://edison.rutgers.edu/
Reblogged from the-glass-box  239,666 notes
ific0uldbewithy0ut0night:

odawn:

j-unkk:

shawnali:



medicalschool:

The Human Brain



The first time I held a human brain in Anatomy Lab I was completely speechless. I looked at my classmates expecting a similar reaction and they looked back at me confused like…”dude let’s start identifying the structures.” I had to take a step back and let it process…in my hands was someone’s entire life. From start to finish, every memory, every emotion, every bodily control…was right there in my hands. 

That’s everything we are My brain cannot even comprehend itself

This is so fucking weird to think about

"In my hands was someone’s entire life" - This line is so beautiful

ific0uldbewithy0ut0night:

odawn:

j-unkk:

shawnali:

medicalschool:

The Human Brain

The first time I held a human brain in Anatomy Lab I was completely speechless. I looked at my classmates expecting a similar reaction and they looked back at me confused like…”dude let’s start identifying the structures.” I had to take a step back and let it process…in my hands was someone’s entire life. From start to finish, every memory, every emotion, every bodily control…was right there in my hands. 

That’s everything we are
My brain cannot even comprehend itself

This is so fucking weird to think about

"In my hands was someone’s entire life" - This line is so beautiful

Week 1: So here we are… Again.

So about a year ago I tumbled upon the fitblr community and was instantly all for it “ALL RIGHT YAH GONNA LOSE WEIGHT AND BE AWESOME” was my immediate response. I wanted to do it for all sorts of reasons: to look good, to be healthy, to finally feel “normal,” etc. Funny thing is, my so-called “motivation” went out the window pretty quickly. It seemed so hard to do! Especially when you don’t have access to a kitchen anymore and you’re out so much during the day that eating healthy becomes an empty longing that you feel is never going to enter actuality. 
By some miracle I have someone who loves me despite my body. We’re getting married in July. I want so badly to be beautiful for him. I want to be beautiful for myself too, but he has been so lovely to me and I dream about the day that I can walk into a room on his arm and know that everyone knows how amazing he is because he was able to woo the goddess on his arm. I’m not shallow, I know the politically correct version of the relationship where we love each other below the surface and we do. In fact that’s how I first fell in love with him. I’m very secure in that he would love me no matter what, but that’s just it. I want to be the person on the surface that sees in my heart. 
I don’t want to be afraid that my children are going to die before they have the chance to breath because the crap that I put in my mouth has made me unable to process sugar correctly and my body can’t sustain them. I am so tired of being AFRAID when I walk into a room. Terrified of taking up space and being stared at. I can’t stand eating in public. Thinking that everyone is seeing me eating and taking comfort in the fact that at least they aren’t as big as *me. It’s the ultimate comfort. 
At least I’m not that bad. 
I weighed myself for the first time since before Christmas today. 
I weigh over 300 lbs. 
I don’t want to tell you how many lbs over exactly. Maybe later on in progress pictures. If I ever get to progress pictures. 
Is it bad to cry over a number? 
Is it bad to realize that, over the years, you’ve cried at every “milestone” of numbers and weight? 
Is it bad to want to change? To want to be sexy, to want to shop in a “normal” store and find trendy clothes at thrift stores? 
I can answer it for myself: No, it’s not. 

So today I went to the grocery store. I bought veggies and strawberries and meat and hummus and I went to my future mother-in-laws house (3 hours later than I had planned - another issue for another day) and cooked a week’s worth of meals that I plan to vigorously follow. 
I want to swallow life whole, not nibble on the edges because I’m too afraid. 
I don’t know anyone who will read this, but I’m going to put it out there anyway. 

Cheers to me.